Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
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