im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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