I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Sorry about my life...
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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