You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
