I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
