If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
