go do what you do best...puke behind churches
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
