Pants 0. Shit 1.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i wish my penis had a tongue
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
