Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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