So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
