Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
