by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize