I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
