Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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