hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
