i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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