i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
