you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
