dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
