The maid of honor just puked.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
