please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
When did angry sex become our thing?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
