my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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