I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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