i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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