i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
