why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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