New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
The best revenge is premature balding
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
