Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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