i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
