he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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