I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
