im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I intend to get homeless drunk
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Randomize
