No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
