I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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