Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
My cat gives me a boner
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
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