HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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