i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
