chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
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