so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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