I never want to see another naked old woman again.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
