The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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