just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
