I think i peed on brittanys purse
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
