dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Will exercising make me less horny?
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