My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
