we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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