she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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