Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
