dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
