If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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