The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
