I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
