I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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