Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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