The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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