you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
