Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
