I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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