I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
She's just so happy...and so naked.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
