cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
