he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
