My underwear smells like fireworks.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize