The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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