i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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